Dreams of Applesauce Danced Through Their Heads

        

I just scraped a glob of applesauce off the wall of my kitchen. And ate it. And I felt you should know. 

Does the five second rule apply to walls?

I've decided it does. 

Besides it was less then five seconds from the glob flying off my spoon to me eating it. I was ninja fast. 

But the true point is that you should make applesauce. Probably as soon as possible because otherwise you'll forget until it's too late and then you'll be sad and can vow all you like that you'll do it next year but we all know that's bullshit don't we. 

So do it now. That's a direct order. 

Dust off your crock pot and go find eight apples. Peel them, cut them into chunks, throw into crockpot, sprinkle with about two Tbs sugar and cinnamon, turn it on high and spend the next three hours thanking me you didn't put it on low for six because THE SMELL. Holy schnitzels. I'm pretty sure everyone in my buildng kind of hates me right now because they can only smell my homemade applesauce and can't eat it. 

I'm such an asshole. 

And it's 10:30 PM so they're going to have to fall sleep smelling this autumnal mouthwatering aroma. I'm pretty sure that line from that Christmas poem about dreaming of sugarplums came about because of the nocturnal kitchen activities of a jerk such as myself. 

You're welcome.